Word Matters – Empower your vocabulary

“Words…. They’ve been used to make us laugh and cry. They can wound or heal! They offer us hope or devastation. With words we can make our noblest intentions felt and our deepest desires known.”* 

It is interesting to observe how certain words can trigger different emotions or actions in different people. On the other hand, an experience can reveal a different set of words to express it, depending on each person.

Why? Because each word has an emotion connected to it which is based on our beliefs; and our beliefs define how we express ourselves and the words we use. It is a circle.

Most of us are aware of the power of the words, the power that many great speakers have to influence us, to move us to action. However, many of us are not conscious of our own power using words.

How do you place your words?

Think how the same message given in a different wording can change completely the emotional energy connected to it. It is for this reason that words directly influence how the spoken message is perceived.

It is clear that some words can lead to uplifting and empowering sensations, while others just cause the opposite. It all depends on the emotions “we” attached to them. And I say “we” because the emotions we attach to words are directly related to our culture, our values, our beliefs.

Some words might be ‘neutral’ to certain people, not transmitting any special and/or strong emotions, while to other people they could be even offensive. And, this can become quite tricky sometimes in the ‘globalised world’ we currently live in.

The way we express says a lot about ourselves. The words we choose to express our thoughts, tells everything about us!

We all should be vigilant and use our words conscientiously. We have a huge responsibility in using them wisely. Once they are said, we can’t take them back! The emotions they carry with them will affect all persons present, and can provoke different reactions. And, if misused, they can cause wounds that are quite difficult to heal too…

To some, those misuses - which I call verbal abuses - are justified by a way to express their inner emotions. “I’m upset, I don’t care, I say what I feel the way I feel…I scream, I curse, I do what is necessary to pull it out!” 

Pulling out words to express an upsetting emotion is part of a healing process, but it should be a very personal process; throwing those words around won’t help to minimize the pain, in contrary, in most cases, only contribute to expand the ‘upsetting emotion’.

However, if we watch our emotions and choose to change the words attached to them, giving them a more positive approach, using uplifting words, I’m convinced that we can then change the emotion in the first place, and then improve our well-being altogether.

Listen to yourself, what kind of words do you use daily? Are they empowering, or disempowering? Are your comments, your feedbacks constructive? How do you see life? Does it sparkle, or is it blurring?

We can start with small changes in our daily expressions, for example, instead of saying “I hate this…” try to use “I prefer this…”. Telling someone "I have a different option about this...", has a completely different impact that saying "You are wrong!"... Besides, who holds the truth? Right and wrong depend on our personal beliefs.

Mother Theresa once said, “Don’t ask me to fight against war; ask me to fight pro peace!”

I’m convinced that we can transform our lives transforming our vocabulary. If we enrich our vocabulary with words that are motivating, uplifting, tender, compassionate, constructive, caring, loving, so on and so forth; our life experiences will be transformed.

Choose your words, empower your vocabulary and improve your life!

T

*Anthony Robbins, Awaken the Giant Within

I'll be there one day, and you too....

Yesterday I went to the cinema to watch "The Quartet".

It is such a touching movie about life itself and everyone's struggles in facing the inevitable... growing old. Despite of the toughness of the crude reality - which each of us will face sooner or later - the story develops in a way that lifts everyone's spirit. It was a delightful movie, I must say.

Today, a friend posted something which falls under the same subject and I thought of sharing with you.

"When an old man died in the geriatric ward of a nursing home in an Australian country town, it was believed that he had nothing left of any value.
Later, when the nurses were going through his meagre possessions, they found this poem. Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital.

One nurse took her copy to Melbourne. The old man's sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the Christmas editions of magazines around the country and appearing in mags for Mental Health. A slide presentation has also been made based on his simple, but eloquent, poem.

And this old man, with nothing left to give to the world, is now the author of this 'anonymous' poem winging across the Internet.

Cranky Old Man

What do you see nurses? . . .. . .What do you see?
What are you thinking .. . when you're looking at me?
A cranky old man, . . . . . .not very wise,
Uncertain of habit .. . . . . . . .. with faraway eyes?
Who dribbles his food .. . ... . . and makes no reply.
When you say in a loud voice . .'I do wish you'd try!'
Who seems not to notice . . .the things that you do.
And forever is losing . . . . . .. . . A sock or shoe?
Who, resisting or not . . . ... lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding . . . .The long day to fill?
Is that what you're thinking?. .Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse .you're not looking at me.
I'll tell you who I am . . . . .. As I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, .. . . . as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of Ten . .with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters .. . . .. . who love one another
A young boy of Sixteen . . . .. with wings on his feet
Dreaming that soon now . . .. . . a lover he'll meet.
A groom soon at Twenty . . . ..my heart gives a leap.
Remembering, the vows .. .. .that I promised to keep.
At Twenty-Five, now . . . . .I have young of my own.
Who need me to guide . . . And a secure happy home.
A man of Thirty . .. . . . . My young now grown fast,
Bound to each other . . .. With ties that should last.
At Forty, my young sons .. .have grown and are gone,
But my woman is beside me . . to see I don't mourn.
At Fifty, once more, .. ...Babies play 'round my knee,
Again, we know children . . . . My loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me . . . . My wife is now dead.
I look at the future ... . . . . I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing .. . . young of their own.
And I think of the years . . . And the love that I've known.
I'm now an old man . . . . . . .. and nature is cruel.
It's jest to make old age . . . . . . . look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles .. .. . grace and vigour, depart.
There is now a stone . . . where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass . A young man still dwells,
And now and again . . . . . my battered heart swells
I remember the joys . . . . .. . I remember the pain.
And I'm loving and living . . . . . . . life over again.
I think of the years, all too few . . .. gone too fast.
And accept the stark fact . . . that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, people .. . . . .. . . open and see.
Not a cranky old man .
Look closer . . . . see .. .. . .. .... . ME!!

Remember this poem when you next meet an older person who you might brush aside without looking at the young soul within. 

We will all, one day, be there, too!" 

T

Find your balance and aim high!

With the New Year come the resolutions.

For most of us it is the time when we look back and check how much we have achieved, what is still missing, and what we could do better during the upcoming year.

For the past five years, at this time of the year, I have taken the time to write down what I wanted to achieve the following year, and which areas of my live needed improvement! I usually divide my wishing list in four areas – following the teachings of one of my ‘indirect mentors’, Stephen R. Covey – called the four dimensions of life: body, mind, heart and spirit.

Stephen says, these four areas are interconnected; therefore in order to achieve our goals successfully we would have to think on them considering each of those areas and aim for the balance amongst them. This is the only way our goals will be sustainable; which means we can achieve now, later, and even later.

Finding the balance will impact the totality of our lives, our ability to think, to give and receive love, our sense of our own worth, our value as a human being. It will enhance our own potential; it will develop awareness, self-awareness; integrity.

And, integrity equals integrated which equals connected. Once we are connected with our own self, once we develop self-awareness we will be able to perceive that everything around us is interconnected, and so are we. And a new and amazing world will unfold around us.

We all have dreams, we want to achieve many things, but it all starts with action and one step after the other. Take a pen and a notebook and begin writing down your goals, not only for 2013 but for your life, thinking of you in each of these four areas, and what you want to improve and achieve in each of them. For instance:

- Body: to become healthier

- Mind: to be a constant learner

- Heart: to nurture our relationships

- Spirit: to serve and contribute

Enjoy doing it. Think of everything you know you deserve. Find your balance, aim high and go for it! Remember, every journey starts with the first step. Dreams only become reality with action!

Create your Private Victories! You are the creative force of your own life.

Wishing you a wonderful and happily balanced life.

T

The Woman in the Mirror

When I was a child I used to talk to a woman in the mirror.

We were best friends. We shared so many things; we combed our hair together; we even did our first make up together, when I secretly took my mother’s make up box, and we tried all shades and colours before she could catch us.

We spent a lot of time together telling each other stories. I used to tell her what I would like to be when I grew up; it was one of my favourite pastimes. We really liked each other. And she was with me all the time, because mum gave me one of her old powder compacts — there was a mirror in it, so I could take her with me everywhere.

As I grew older, many other friends came into my life: girlfriends, boyfriends, and “the boyfriends”. Life became very busy; there were so many things out there to discover, to talk about, to engage with.

As time passed, the women in the mirror became ever more a blurred image, until the day she finally disappeared, and I completely forgot about her existence.

Career took place; serious relationships took place; serious commitments took place; serious decisions took place. Life took charge like a river, and I was going with the flow.

I was no longer a girl when one day after a shower I had a fright! I looked at the mirror, and I saw a woman! I didn’t recognize her at first. She was not old, but she looked weary, tired; she had a very sad look in her eyes. In fact, I felt very uncomfortable looking at her, and my first reaction was to run away. But she looked back at me; she looked into my eyes; and a chilled feeling went through my whole body, up and down my spine, and I knew I had to face her.

I tried to start a conversation, and said “Hi, who are you?” She looked back at me, a bit surprised, and in a calm and sad voice replied, “Don’t you know me anymore?” I was confused. “Did I know you before?” She evinced a shy smile and looked at me intensely. “We used to be best friends,” she said. “Really? I don’t rememb… Oh — OMG, yes, I do remember you now! It was a long time ago. Yes, you’re right! But — you looked very different back then”. “Yes, indeed, I was very different,” she replied.

“What happened to you?” I asked. She looked deeply into my eyes and said, “I’m not loved any more. I’ve been forgotten by the one I loved most. In the past years everyone else became more important than I was. Before, we were great companions, we shared many things, we told our secrets to each other, and we had such plans for our future; our love for each other was our strength, and there was nothing more important than that. We knew we were beautiful, and we were very happy. Everything around us was worth living because we were together, because we were one.”

I could understand perfectly what she was saying. I couldn’t recall the time I felt such love anymore; I was, myself, very lonely, lost, trying to find where the river of life was taking me. I’d lost control; I felt I was being taken somewhere I didn’t know. I wasn’t happy, but didn’t know what to do or who could help me. In fact, I was quite scared.

I looked back at her and asked, “Can I help you?” She looked at me for a long, while — then she finally opened up with a big smile and said, “Yes! Actually, the truth is that you’re the only one who can help me. I’ve been waiting for you all these years. I felt desperate sometimes, but deep down I had the hope that one day you’d come back. Yes, you can help me. Give me your love, and I’ll be able to be what I was meant to be — that beautiful woman you used to talk to when you were a child, the one you admired, the wise woman who shared all your secrets, the one you believed was the most wonderful and loving, the one who could spread and share love wherever you took her — the one with whom you enjoyed the happiest days in your life. ”

I felt overwhelmed. I felt sad, but at the same time there was a tiny sense of joy deep inside me. Maybe it was the hope that I could again feel everything she was telling me. Although I was confused, and didn’t really know how to get started, I felt happy to know that my love could help her, the woman in the mirror.

I made her a promise that I would love, cherish, respect, and admire her every single day of my life. I gave her my word that I would always be with her. I don’t need to have the powder compact with me, as when I was a child, but I reassured her that I will always keep her present.

Since that day, there’s a routine I follow every morning: I get up and go to meet her at the mirror. She’s already there, waiting for me. We both smile at each other and I greet her: “Good morning, Darling! You’re looking wonderful today — even better than yesterday. I’m always so happy to see you. Look after yourself, and don’t forget, I love you. Have a great day!”

Since then, the woman in the mirror has blossomed. And it’s visible that she’s happy, she’s whole, she’s wonderful! All the love I give to her, I receive in return, multiplied. Finding her again really changed my life for the best.

She told me she will be 48 next month, and I can tell you, she looks gorgeous! I love her dearly!

T
PS Image by Francoise Nielly

Greetings!

The first time I heard people greeting each other in Ireland I was a bit puzzled…

Once you ask an Irish person; “How are you?” the answer is, “not too bad…”

What is that? ‘Not too bad?’ What does it really mean? Those questions popped into my mind. I didn’t know what “not too bad” really meant. And to be honest, still don’t.

In what kind of ‘state’ are you, or is your life that can express and define, “not too bad!”? You are not bad, but you are not good either; and neither too bad… really confusing.

It was clear to me that it couldn't be a positive state, therefore, I never used it when someone greeted me. I preferred using “I’m very well, thank you.”

It is funny thinking about it now; but it was definitely something that bothered me, somehow. Maybe because, despite of not understanding the real meaning behind it, it couldn’t fit into my spontaneous positive nature. :-)

In Brazil, when someone greets you, the question is not really “how are you?” it is literally “Is everything good?” To which, your answer is always; “everything is good”. And, in a more informal environment and/or with friends, the answer will be just “everything”. Which I believe is even more powerful because it really means EVERYTHING!

Few years ago I met a guy; today he is a friend; who when asked the same question, “How are you?” He first would open a huge smile (and he has a beautiful one!) and then answer, “Excellent!”

WOW! Isn’t it wonderful, and powerful? His excellency was contagious, it immediately affected me. I felt I wanted to be excellent too. And decided copying him every time I had the opportunity until it would become a spontaneous answer to a greeting.

I truly believe that we are the ones who design, and define, the greatness of everything around us, and in our life. Through the way we think, and the things we believe. And, this projects and defines the way people see us, and how our lives unfold around us.

Of course, keeping an upstanding state of mind requires first awareness, then, vigilance. It is an endless work and commitment to oneself.

So, “excellent” was a conscious choice for a greeting answer, it was going to be another tool to be used for my self-improvement, as a whole. Until recently, when I came across an answer from another friend that excelled my excellent answer!

I immediately thought to myself, “That is it. It fits me up and down, sideways, and inside out!” It falls into everything I believe, and work for. It is a must to be used, and be grateful for!

Therefore dear friends, from now on, when I’m asked:

"Tulia, how are you?" 

I will proudly answer:

"Excellent and always improving!"

T

Just the body….

This was what the Vet said to me when I asked: “how would you carry him?” She replied, “well, we will put him in this plastic bag… I won’t recommend you to see it… but, you know, in the end… it is just his body….” 

I’m quite sure she didn’t mean in a bad way. In fact, it is just the body anyway when you believe there is something else somewhere out there once you leave this physical world. But the idea of having him, my beloved companion for the past 13 years been referred as “just a body = skin and bones”, made me even sadder than I was.

I left the room and retreated myself. I didn’t want to see him carried away in a plastic bag. Then it came to my mind one section of Steven Covey’s book (The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People) which 3 years ago hit me quite hard, and made me ‘re-analyze’ how I was leading my life. I will share some extracts of it with you:

“ … Picture yourself going to the funeral of a loved one… As you walk inside the building, you see faces of friends and family you pass along the way. You feel share sorrow of losing, the joy of having known, that radiates from the hearts of the people there.

As you walk down to the front of the room and look inside the casket, you suddenly come face to face with yourself. This is your funeral, three years from today. All these people have come to honor you, to express feelings of love and appreciation for your life.

… you look the program in your hand. There are to be four speakers. The first is from your family… The second speaker is one of your friends…. The third speaker is from your work or profession… And the forth is from your church or some community organization where you’ve been involved in service.

Now think deeply. What would you like each of these speakers to say about you and your life? What kind of husband, wife, father, mother… son, daughter, cousin...friend… working associate?

What kind of character would you like them to have seen in you? What contributions… achievements would you like them to remember?... What difference would you like to have made in their lives?...”

And the big question was: “Are you leading your life, through your actions and behaviors, to achieve that? To be remembered, and valued the way you would like to?...”

My most loved Chico had gone. Although I could say that he had truly lived his life in a way that he could only be remembered as the most joyful, trustworthy, loyal and honest friend ever; for the ones who knew him he could only be remembered at utmost level of character integrity; still, for someone who didn’t know him, he was just a body….

Which made me to realise that when we reach the end of this physical life, for some people, no matter what, we will be just ‘a body’; easily disposable…

But it also reinforced to me that, if you lead your life with integrity, and honesty to yourself above all, once you leave this world I’m positive that there will be more of you than a body to be remembered in someone’s heart.

To my beloved Chico who left us the past Friday, August 17th.

You will always be in my heart ‘bola’!

T

The Element

In an interview to El Pais, Lang Lang, the Chinese piano player, told to the interviewer that when he was in his early teens he failed in a piano contest and his father told him “…you have two options: you can jump through the window right now, or can take some poison.” He said he never talked to his father since.

When you learn about Lang Lang’s career, and all his success and contribution to the musical world, you can only feel amazed and show respect. Despite such proposal coming from his own father, and many other adversities, he trusted his own talent and pursued his dream.

Many people wouldn’t have had the strength and motivation to keep going after such remark coming from their own father. But Lang Lang did, and succeeded.

The question is: “what makes people to keep going under such adversities, and where do they find the strength?”

As per Steven Jobs: "Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith. I’m convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You’ve got to find what you love. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle."

In the other hand, Sir Ken Robison, in his book The Element, explains that we have to find our Element in order to find true happiness and fulfillment in life. He says, “The Element is the meeting point between natural aptitude and personal passion. When people are in their Element, they connect with something fundamental to their sense of identity, purpose, and well-being.” And he adds, “…many people have not found their Element because they don’t understand their own powers; they don’t understand their true organic nature; they don’t understand their constant potential for renewal.”

It is clear that Lang Lang understood them all, and from an early age. And so Steven Jobs, and all those people who faced so many adversities in their lives and not only kept going but excelled in whatever they decided to pursue.

Finding your Element sometimes means breaking rules imposed by your own personal, social and cultural environments. Therefore, I believe that what brings us to our Element is passion!

When you do something with passion, no matter how hard it could be, instead of taking away your energy it fuels you with it; even when you are physically exhausted. It is when there is no distinction between work and pleasure; they blend in such a powerful way that the more you give in, the more you get back.

It is only when you find your passion and love what you do that you find the strength to stand up every time, and any time, you fall. Finding your Element is to transcend this physical world, it is when miracles happen.

I leave you here with Lang Lang at his Element!